A Moment to Remember
I just found myself laying with my face only a few inches from London's. When she was a baby it was the only way that she could go to sleep. She had to have her face within an inch or two of mine and she had to face me and look at me until she went to sleep. she needed that for whatever reason. And if she was upset throughout the day, I could just to lie down with her, look into her eyes and she would almost immediately calm down. She knew instantly that she was safe. After she was sleeping for an or two I would transfer her to her crib, which by the way is still taking up half of my bedroom.
I have been co-sleeping with her since the Christmas break began (because she was sick and needed the extra comfort) and now its almost Valentine's day. I have a really big bed now (always wanted a king sized bed to myself) that I love and I feel like her being next to me gives us a feeling of closeness that comforts us both. She really is my best friend!
Well, just a moment ago before I even realized that I was going to write this. I looked over at her and she was facing me sleeping peacefully safe and sound. In my bed she gets a pillow. I lay my head down on her pillow, face to face with her and I go on a short journey back in time to our life two years ago when she absolutely needed me to sleep. I lay there just listening to her breathe and missing those moments that we used to have. Thinking that if I had a spouse that I would make him get a picture of this moment. Not for the gram, although it would probably end up there too, but because I am afraid that I won't remember this moment, this feeling, it if I don't have a picture of it. I can exist off of a picture for a lifetime and that's why I have always been a photographer. People think that they miss life and moments because they are watching them through the screens that they live on now. I'm different, for me watching something through a screen, particularly a lens or a little frame is like having glasses. Looking through a lens and waiting for that perfect moment is what I have always lived for. No one will ever capture those beautiful moments between London and I so I better figure out a way to remember it without the picture to go along with it.
I laid there thinking this would be the most beautiful image to capture from an overhead view or a close up of how close our faces really are. I couldn't even take a selfie because I need the arm that I would use to take it to be in the position it's in now. After minutes of these random thoughts, it occurred to me that if she woke up or opened her eyes and saw me that close to her it would still comfort her and she would just close her eyes and return to sleep feeling happy and safe. Any adult and most people in general would get really freak out if they opened their eyes to someone watching them sleep 2" away from their face. Even my son, who is eight would probably be so startled he would scream. Let's face it under any other circumstances it's creep! Knowing that she still feels that comfort from me means she is still my baby. So I don't get the picture, but I do get these words. Being so close to her is the best feeling in the world and I never want it to end. It will, and I will adjust. I actually get pretty germophobic (apparently not a real word, but why?) when they start going to school so I doubt we'll be co sleeping then. I am reminded of how blessed I am to have her, to be here and in this same moment that I speak of. The only sound is her breathing and the keys typing out this moment in time that I am trying to desperately capture.
That's all this was, a moment that I just have to remember.
Photographer: Allyssa Ashlee Photography Location: Yosemite, California